Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
don't judge my taste in strippers
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
