a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
