I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
