I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
