he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
