I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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