fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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