There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
