he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
