I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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