Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
