Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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