You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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