i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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