I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
