Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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