dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
