I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
