im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
