Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
