Only a mothe r could love this liver
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
