I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
