Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I had to cum in my sink.
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