sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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