yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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