the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
