Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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