The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
