I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
