Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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