So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
