That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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