My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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