you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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