wakey wakey hands off snakey
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
