I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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