Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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