Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
