I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
