Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
