Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Farmville is her only friend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
