on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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