its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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