remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
