Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
