The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
