i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
