you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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