Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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