Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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