I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
