Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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