I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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