No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am midnight drunk by noon
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
