i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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