why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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