I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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