Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
