Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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