Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
