In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
