For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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