Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
