people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Still dying that you shit outside
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
