just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
