whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
