New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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