giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
