STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
