So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
