In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
