Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
