sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
