I think I won the penis lottery.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
