I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
