When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
