i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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