Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
