Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
