I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
