i dont even know how to be here
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
