Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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