I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
